Mom control is normal! I don’t think there are many people out there that are completely immune to the urge to try and control things in their lives- I think it’s just a part of being a human being.
Control comes from a place that is from our “inner ego.” It comes from a place that causes us not to really be our true selves. It also comes from fear too. Control is all about fear. We fear what will happen if we let go of that control. We fear what will happen if we don’t control. We think bad things may happen almost always.
Moms know best right? Moms way is the best way right? No- your right way is your right way- not the only way. What works well to overcome some control: Letting go of control and surrendering.
Surrender does not mean giving up. It doesn’t mean negative. It is about acceptance and letting go of the struggle. The clenching of the fists. White knuckling your way through life is not a good feeling. You do not feel free. Go against what your ego wants to do as a mom. The fears will be there until you tackle those fears…. Surrendering is a good start.
Do we really control our children? No we are meant to guide and support. A mother does not mean a controlling figure. I don’t want my kids to fear me! I don’t want to show my kids that controlling is the way to be in life either.
When kids don’t do what we want them to do, we rely on force or severe punishments in order to get them to do what we want them to do. You can’t force a child to bathe, or brush their teeth, but you can try to get them to cooperate.
I love to get cooperation through playfulness…. It is really effective…. As parents we have the option to either be really mad and frustrated or just lighten the mood a little. Try it out!
How we show up as a parent is our responsibility… we can’t always control our kids’ behavior all of the time, but we can control our own.
Love your kids but care about them less! Don’t let all their actions and behaviors be the BE ALL and end all of your life.
Take care of you and find your peace and fulfillment. Help yourself by being more grounded and peaceful. Your kids will then see how to live that kind of life! If you are yelling at them to stop yelling. You are not setting that example. As an adult, we are the ones to manage our own big feelings and sense of calm. Our kids are quite literally immature- their brains are not even developed yet to do so as we can!
2 ways we try to have control: In the home + in the world
Truly entrusting g them to God’s hands... he didn’t bless us with them to be controlled by us. Perfect love cast our dear. We only benefit our children by allowing space for them to explore, experience, question, etc.
Questions to ask in the moment of feeling controlling:
1. Am I inhibiting their ability/opportunity to learn? Explore? Experience?
2. What are my reasons for doing so?
3. Is it worth it?
1. Believe in your heart they were created for more!! Let them be free!
2. Remember the contrary to the in moment questions; you are allowing them to grow!!
3. Find Joy! This is a cyclical process!! God designed us to be joyful!!